Sick Days
by enigmatic.typewriter
Summary: In which Tenten is sick, Neji does a lot of yelling, and Lee is of no help. At all. Rated T for like, five or six or a hundred swears. NejiTen.


**N:** This is all just pure ridiculousness. I started writing this about a year ago, but couldn't get around to posting it because I'm a lazy turd. Now that I'm sick as a dog for real, this seems like a fitting time to do so. Should be multi-chaptered. I have no idea, though. Reviews would be nice if you've got the time and patience.

 **D:** I don't own Naruto.

* * *

 **Sick Days: When In Doubt, Jump Out the Window!**

 _In which Tenten is sick, Neji does a lot of yelling, and Lee is of no help. At all._

In retrospect, she should have seen this coming. One does not simply fall sick and get away with it. Especially if a very worried Rock Lee starts pounding on your front door at seven o'clock in the bloody morning.

Tenten groans, face palming with her free hand, and shoves a pillow over her face in exasperation. _Of course. Who else could be so infuriatingly annoying?_ Unable to bear the sound of Lee damaging her apartment (she remembers she still hasn't found this month's rent money and killing Lee becomes _that_ much easier), Tenten untangles herself from the sheets and trudges miserably unto the landing. As luck would have it, she is just in time to witness the destruction of her own door. There is an astounding crash and Lee freezes comically mid-punch, staring incredulously at what remains of his teammate's front door. He thinks he's got about three seconds before she shoves a kunai up his ass.

Instead, she falls down the stairs.

Lee's eyes widen and he gives a little yelp of surprise. He is secretly horrified at Tenten's shocking appearance. Her skin is void of all colour, save several rapidly blossoming bruises, and there are dark circles beneath her habitually bright chocolate brown eyes. It is evident, from her lack of pigment and occasional coughing fit, that she is sick. Wanting to aid his possibly dying teammate, Lee hurries to the kunoichi's side.

"Tenten, my youthful blossom! Are you hurt!?"

From her rather awkward positioning on the floor, Tenten manages a muffled grunt of acknowledgement, limbs akimbo in what must certainly be a very attractive pose. She thinks it cannot get much worse than this.

 _Wrong._

As Tenten gets to her feet, a mass of aching joints and bruises, Lee stoops, slapping the front door back into place with an energetic thumbs up. "As your teammate and loyal friend, I shall do everything in my power to ease your suffering!"

Tenten takes one look at the approaching menace and promptly hightails it to the relative safety of her bedroom. Her last comforting thought, as she face-plants into bed, is that maybe Lee will burn down the house and she'll be put out of her misery along with it. Unfortunately, aforementioned nuisance arrives twenty minutes later to ruin her peace.

"Go away. I plan on _living_ through this, thank you very much."

Her disgruntled remark falls upon deaf ears as the Green Beast rips away the bedding, exposing her to a freezing draft of cold, morning air. It quickly becomes apparent that he has opened every window in her apartment.

"Fresh air is essential to one's good health! Inhale deeply, Tenten! Feel the rejuvenation of a warm summer's breeze." Lee chirps at the top of his lungs, doing absolutely nothing for her growing headache, which has begun to throb painfully again.

Wincing, Tenten curls into a shivering ball to conserve what little warmth she has left, teeth chattering despite the fact that she is sweating profusely. Strangling Lee seems like a perfectly justified action right now. For the moment, though, Tenten can only pray some good Samaritan will come along and exile Lee to the furthest reaches of the universe.

* * *

Sometime later, Lee sets off the smoke detector.

Tenten decides she is just about ready to die. Stumbling after him, she's met by the nauseating aroma of burning ass. Sadly it's a smell she's all too familiar with: Lee's horrid attempts at mastering the art of fine cuisine. They are not appreciated.

To make matters worse, her weakened stomach chooses that moment to act up and the poor girl is violently sick. Somehow, Lee manages to salvage her hair- grabbing it at the last possible second. Before he can do something truly disastrous, like call Gai or worse, Tsunade. Tenten scrambles to her feet and begins inching her way back to bed. Her next intention is to jump out the window if Lee so much as lays another finger on her.

She makes it as far as the third stair before Lee finally shuts up long enough to realize his patient is making a get away and comes hurtling after her like a fucking rocket ship. He receives a foot to the face for his efforts. While Lee is busy falling down the stairs, Tenten hobbles up the remaining four and makes it to her bedroom whereupon she barricades the door and throws open the window.

Lee comes charging in a minute later, somewhat out of breath, but otherwise unharmed. He even wiggles his eyebrows around in a terrifying and completely unnecessary display of uh... youthfulness. The desperate kunoichi promptly sticks her head out the window and looks around, contemplating wether or not she actually wants to do this (renewed eyebrow therapy assures her that, yes, she _does_ want to). As she balances herself precariously on the windowsill, Tenten notices a familiar, long-haired, white-eyed, figure striding up the street.

"Oi!" she rasps in as loud a voice as she can muster, "Neji! Get the hell over here- it's an emergency! Also, I'm also going to jump out the window in a like, three seconds, so I'd appreciate it if you'd catch me."

She doesn't wait for his answer, because Lee has finally noticed what she's doing and is screaming his head off in protest. He's also going to catch her if she stays put much longer. Tenten glances back at Neji who's increased his pace, indicating that he probably heard her, however he's also wearing an expression that clearly says, _if-you-jump-I-will-catch-you-because-you're-my-teammate-and-I'm-secretly-in-love-with-you-but-you're-still-going-to-feel-my-angry-wrath._ Yeah well, Tenten thinks she can deal with that.

She jumps.


End file.
